All Troubles Come from Interpersonal Relationships#
Inferiority#
Two definitions
- Inferiority complex: feeling lacking in some aspect of oneself.
- Inferiority complex: believing that due to lacking in some aspect, one is unable to achieve success/feel happiness.
Dialectical relationship
- Having a bit of inferiority complex is not a bad thing, as it can drive us to strive for improvement.
- But having an inferiority complex is a bad thing, as it easily leads to determinism, fatalism, nihilism, and ultimately disappointment in life.
All troubles come from interpersonal relationships. When we fear something about ourselves, if we ask why we fear it, we will eventually come back to interpersonal relationships, as it is because of interpersonal relationships that we suffer.
We are afraid of being hurt in a relationship, so we choose to close ourselves off. But as long as there is interpersonal interaction, we will inevitably be hurt.
Comparison#
"Comparing oneself to others" hinders the development of happiness.
Because of comparing ourselves to others, we are unable to feel happy. Education, work, height - if there were no other individuals in this world, we would not be troubled by these things.
Competition#
Competing with others is harmful, competing with (the ideal) oneself is beneficial. The book bluntly concludes: if there is competition in interpersonal relationships, it is impossible to rid oneself of the troubles brought by interpersonal relationships and thus unable to escape unhappiness.
Therefore, one must never have a competitive mindset. In fact, things like internal strife and excessive competition are manifestations of a strong competitive mindset.
As long as competition exists, there will always be winners and losers. Compared to oneself, everyone around us belongs to others, and countless others can be objects of competition.
Football, painting, learning, socializing... in any aspect, there will always be people who are better than us. Viewing the world with a competitive attitude will result in different inferiority complexes and self-doubt from different people, leading to an inability to make progress.
Similarly, viewing the world with a competitive attitude will gradually see everyone as competitors, feeling that everyone is a "enemy" who can fool, ridicule, attack, or even harm oneself at any time, and cannot be taken lightly. The mind cannot withstand this pressure in the long term, and such a mindset will make one view the world pessimistically, dislike the world, distance oneself from the world, and detach from reality.
The terrifying aspect of a competitive mindset is that even if one is not a loser, they can never be at ease, and can never truly trust others. This is why many people, despite achieving social success, are unable to feel happiness because they live in competition.
In reality, the only one who truly cares about your face is yourself, and your true "enemy" is also yourself.
Revenge#
The trap of interpersonal interaction is the game of power.
The game of power refers to winning in competition to prove one's strength. Once you realize that someone wants to pull you into this game (such as arguing about right and wrong), you should quickly avoid participating. Apologizing and compromising does not mean admitting one's failure; on the contrary, it is a victory to escape the trap.
In interpersonal relationships, once you try to make the other person believe "I am right," it implies that the other person is wrong, and you have already entered the game of power.
Because once you participate in the game of power, there will always be winners and losers, and the seeds of revenge are sown. The loser will try to retaliate against the winner in other situations.
The philosopher in the book said that if someone insults him face-to-face, he would consider the hidden "purpose" of that person, rather than just the direct insult.
Companions#
No matter how fast you are, there will always be someone faster than you, and no matter how slow you are, there will always be someone slower than you. Some people are ahead, while others are behind. If life is a competition with others, it is destined to be painful.
Our attitude towards the world is a subjective judgment. As an attitude, the disadvantage is that it is influenced by external factors, but the advantage is that we can actively choose a certain attitude instead of passively accepting it.
If we take "everyone is my companion" as our attitude, then our (subjective) perception of the world will be completely different. The world will no longer be a dangerous place, and we will no longer live in unnecessary suspicion. The world in your eyes will become a safe and comfortable place, and the troubles in interpersonal relationships will be greatly reduced.
A healthy sense of inferiority comes from comparing oneself to oneself, constantly surpassing oneself.
The Three Major Issues in Life#
To regard others as "enemies" rather than "companions" is because you are avoiding the issues of life that you must face. When an individual wants to survive as a social being, they will inevitably encounter interpersonal relationships, which are the issues of life.
According to the distance and depth of interpersonal relationships, the issues of life can be divided into 1. work issues, 2. friendship issues, 3. love issues. The difficulty increases in that order.
No matter how difficult it is, one must not avoid it. The least desirable thing is to remain stagnant in the current state.
Being afraid of dealing with people and seeing others as dangerous beings, situations where one tries to create various excuses to avoid the issues of life are called "life lies". Relying on life lies to close oneself off in order to avoid being hurt is rooted in a lack of courage to face setbacks.